Greyhawk
06-06-2005, 01:10 AM
*Legal mumbo-jumbo: This story is not licensed or endorsed by Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and/or Warner Brothers. All characters and Central Perk are registered trademarks of Warner Brothers, all rights reserved.
TOW Phoebe goes to school
[ Central Perk. Everybody but Phoebe is present and are at their usual places. Joey is reading "Piano for Dummies" ]
Chandler: Hey Joe, since when did you become interested in playing the piano?
Joey: You know all of the skills I have on my resume? It would be so great if at least one of them was true
** Everybody looks at Joey **
Joey: Come on. Everybody lies on their resume
Ross (taking Joey's resume): Let's see how many lies you told.
** Ross reads the resume **
Ross: 3 years of classical piano..... 2 years modern dance..... nominated for an Oscar.....hey Joe, when were you nominated for an Oscar
Joey: So I stretched the truth a little
Ross: A little? If you were Pinocchio, your nose would be as tall as the spire on the Empire State Building
Joey: Come on. I tell you everybody lies a little on their resume!
Ross: I don't
Joey: Didn't your resume say you're a doctor?
Ross: I am a doctor
Joey: Ok, if you say so.
** Ross leaves with a grunt **
-- Opening Credits --
[ Monica and Phoebe's apartment. Monica and Chandler are on the sofa and Ross and Rachel are watching TV. Phoebe is reading a stack of books at the table ]
Phoebe: Can you guys kinda keep it down?
Rachel: Whatcha doing, hon?
Phoebe: Trying to study. I'm going to night school.
Ross (impressed): Good for you
Rachel: That's great, but what brought this on, all of the sudden?
Phoebe: I never went to high school and all my friends have either a diploma or a doctorate and I feel left out. Besides I need a diploma if I want this cool job
Monica: What's the job
Phoebe: a bio-nuclear engineer!
Rachel: Honey, you know that requires a whole lot of school, right?
Phoebe: I don't care. It just sounds like an awesome job and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes and work as hard as it takes to get the job
Ross: That's great! If you need any help with the homework, I'm always available.
Phoebe: Homework? Nobody said anything about homework
Ross: Well, yeah.....
Phoebe: Forget it. I don't want the job that bad!
Rachel: But what about working as hard as it takes?
Phoebe: That's when I thought I wouldn't have to work hard
[ Monica and Phoebe's a few hours later. Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are present ]
Phoebe (glancing at the clock): Crap. I'm almost late for the first day of school
Chandler: So what if you're late. What's the worst that can happen?
Joey: Detention
Phoebe: They have detention at night school?
** Phoebe looks worried and darts out the apartment **
Joey: Well I gotta be running, too
Chandler: What's the hurry? You don't have to worry about detention
Joey: The sandwich shop is about to close
Chandler: We need to talk, man
Joey (sitting on the sofa): What's up?
Chandler: It's about me moving back.....
Joey: Do you need any help packing and moving
Chandler: Not exactly.....
Joey: What?
Chandler: You better run to the sandwich shop before they close
Monica: Chandler, we need to tell him
Joey: Tell me what?
Chandler: I'm not quite sure how to tell you buddy...... I...... I won't be moving back in
Joey: What???????
Chandler: I'm going to move in here..... with Monica
** Joey turns to leave **
Monica: Are you OK?
Joey: Couldn't be better. Gotta go to the sandwich shop
Monica (Running to stop Joey): We can't let you leave like this
Chandler: I'll be just across the hall.
Joey: What about Phoebe?
Monica: Please don't say anything to her. I'll be the one to tell her
Joey: You have to know about Chandler. He's a horrible room-mate. He never puts the lid back on the mustard jar.....he's always watching porn......
Chandler: That's you, dude
Joey: Oh, right... I forgot.
Monica: Are you gonna be ok?
Joey: I'll be fine and the truth of the matter is that if Chandler has to move in with somebody else, he couldn't ask for anybody better
Monica: Thanks, Joey
-- Commercial --
[ The next day at Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are present ]
Rachel: So how was the first day of school?
Phoebe: It was so cool. We're learning about World War I.... and I already know quite a lot about it., what, with me being in it, and all
Rachel: Pheebs, you fought in World War I?
Phoebe: So much you don't know!
Monica: Pheebs, we need to talk
Phoebe: Is this about the stash of porn you keep under the bed?
Monica: I don't keep porn under the bed!
Phoebe: OK. Is this about the stash of porn you keep in the closet, then?
Monica: I don't keep porn at all
Rachel: Maybe it's Chandler's
Phoebe: Why would Chandler have it? It's not gay porn
Rachel: Honey, I don't think Chandler's gay
Phoebe (scoffing): Ok, if you say so
Monica: We really need to talk!
Rachel: Oh My God! You're pregnant
Phoebe: Who's the father???
Rachel: It's Chandler, of course
Phoebe: No... really, who's the father
Monica: There is no father
Phoebe: It's a miracle! Just like in The Bible!
Monica: There is no father because I am not pregnant.
Phoebe: Then why'd you say you were?
Monica: I never did say I was. Rachel did!
Phoebe: And you sure took your sweet time to correct her.
Monica: We need to talk...... Chandler and I are going to live together
Phoebe: WOW! We're all gonna have so much fun being roommates!
Monica: Uh, sweetie.....
Phoebe: Oh.
Monica: I'm sorry
Phoebe: So when are you moving out?
Monica: Me?
Phoebe: Why should I move?
Monica: Maybe because the lease is in my name?
Phoebe: But it's my apartment too. It's the only real home I've ever known.
Rachel: Look at it this way.... you won't have Monica nagging about using coasters for your drink.
Monica: If you get a stain on your table, don't come running to me
[ Joey and Chandler's apartment. Joey is watching wrestling when Phoebe walks in carrying a newspaper ]
Phoebe: That is so fake!
Joey: Get hit in the face with a steel chair, and then say that.
** Phoebe sits down reading the paper **
Joey: What are you reading?
Phoebe: Since Chandler and Monica are moving in, I guess I need to find another apartment
Joey: Any luck?
Phoebe: Here's one (reading) "Spacious 2 bedroom apartment. Must be willing to experiment with S&M" (stops reading) Oh, but it's on the other side of town. Oh wait! Here's one in this building (continues to read) "2 bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village. Hot ladies only need apply" (stops reading) Joey, this is your ad!
Joey (reading the ad): Oh yeah! What do you think?
Phoebe: Nicely worded!
Joey: Why don 't you just move in here? I mean we already know each other, plus you'll just be right across the hall from Monica
Phoebe (hugging Joey): Thanks, Joe.
Joey: No problem. And you know about Strip Poker Saturday, right?
[ Later that evening, at Monica and Phoebe's apartment. The girls are planning the wedding ]
Ross: We haven't even officially set a date
Monica: And......
Ross: You're already planning the wedding?
Monica, Phoebe and Rachel (together): Uhh... yeah
Rachel: I want this to be something special and a day we will always remember.... because unlike some people, I plan on doing this only once
Ross: Can I help?
Rachel: Just be sure and say the right name, this time.
** Ross storms off in a huff **
Rachel: That was fun
-- Ending Credits --
[ Central Perk. Everybody but Joey is present ]
Phoebe: I got a 100 on my exam today
** everybody congratulates Phoebe **
Rachel (showing her engagement ring to Gunther): Ross and I are engaged
Gunther (under his breath): bastaard
** Joey enters carrying a book titled "Heavy Metal for Beginners **
Chandler: What's with the book?
Joey: Well I figured it would be too hard to learn to play the piano......
Rachel (to Phoebe): And just think.... he's gonna be your roommate!
Phoebe: I know. It's great. I can help teach him how to play. Especially since I used to be in a metal band
Ross: What?
Phoebe: I used to be in Slayer
Chandler: When were you ever in Slayer?
Phoebe: OK....well maybe I just played my guitar to their music.
-- The End --
TOW Phoebe goes to school
[ Central Perk. Everybody but Phoebe is present and are at their usual places. Joey is reading "Piano for Dummies" ]
Chandler: Hey Joe, since when did you become interested in playing the piano?
Joey: You know all of the skills I have on my resume? It would be so great if at least one of them was true
** Everybody looks at Joey **
Joey: Come on. Everybody lies on their resume
Ross (taking Joey's resume): Let's see how many lies you told.
** Ross reads the resume **
Ross: 3 years of classical piano..... 2 years modern dance..... nominated for an Oscar.....hey Joe, when were you nominated for an Oscar
Joey: So I stretched the truth a little
Ross: A little? If you were Pinocchio, your nose would be as tall as the spire on the Empire State Building
Joey: Come on. I tell you everybody lies a little on their resume!
Ross: I don't
Joey: Didn't your resume say you're a doctor?
Ross: I am a doctor
Joey: Ok, if you say so.
** Ross leaves with a grunt **
-- Opening Credits --
[ Monica and Phoebe's apartment. Monica and Chandler are on the sofa and Ross and Rachel are watching TV. Phoebe is reading a stack of books at the table ]
Phoebe: Can you guys kinda keep it down?
Rachel: Whatcha doing, hon?
Phoebe: Trying to study. I'm going to night school.
Ross (impressed): Good for you
Rachel: That's great, but what brought this on, all of the sudden?
Phoebe: I never went to high school and all my friends have either a diploma or a doctorate and I feel left out. Besides I need a diploma if I want this cool job
Monica: What's the job
Phoebe: a bio-nuclear engineer!
Rachel: Honey, you know that requires a whole lot of school, right?
Phoebe: I don't care. It just sounds like an awesome job and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes and work as hard as it takes to get the job
Ross: That's great! If you need any help with the homework, I'm always available.
Phoebe: Homework? Nobody said anything about homework
Ross: Well, yeah.....
Phoebe: Forget it. I don't want the job that bad!
Rachel: But what about working as hard as it takes?
Phoebe: That's when I thought I wouldn't have to work hard
[ Monica and Phoebe's a few hours later. Monica, Phoebe, Joey and Chandler are present ]
Phoebe (glancing at the clock): Crap. I'm almost late for the first day of school
Chandler: So what if you're late. What's the worst that can happen?
Joey: Detention
Phoebe: They have detention at night school?
** Phoebe looks worried and darts out the apartment **
Joey: Well I gotta be running, too
Chandler: What's the hurry? You don't have to worry about detention
Joey: The sandwich shop is about to close
Chandler: We need to talk, man
Joey (sitting on the sofa): What's up?
Chandler: It's about me moving back.....
Joey: Do you need any help packing and moving
Chandler: Not exactly.....
Joey: What?
Chandler: You better run to the sandwich shop before they close
Monica: Chandler, we need to tell him
Joey: Tell me what?
Chandler: I'm not quite sure how to tell you buddy...... I...... I won't be moving back in
Joey: What???????
Chandler: I'm going to move in here..... with Monica
** Joey turns to leave **
Monica: Are you OK?
Joey: Couldn't be better. Gotta go to the sandwich shop
Monica (Running to stop Joey): We can't let you leave like this
Chandler: I'll be just across the hall.
Joey: What about Phoebe?
Monica: Please don't say anything to her. I'll be the one to tell her
Joey: You have to know about Chandler. He's a horrible room-mate. He never puts the lid back on the mustard jar.....he's always watching porn......
Chandler: That's you, dude
Joey: Oh, right... I forgot.
Monica: Are you gonna be ok?
Joey: I'll be fine and the truth of the matter is that if Chandler has to move in with somebody else, he couldn't ask for anybody better
Monica: Thanks, Joey
-- Commercial --
[ The next day at Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are present ]
Rachel: So how was the first day of school?
Phoebe: It was so cool. We're learning about World War I.... and I already know quite a lot about it., what, with me being in it, and all
Rachel: Pheebs, you fought in World War I?
Phoebe: So much you don't know!
Monica: Pheebs, we need to talk
Phoebe: Is this about the stash of porn you keep under the bed?
Monica: I don't keep porn under the bed!
Phoebe: OK. Is this about the stash of porn you keep in the closet, then?
Monica: I don't keep porn at all
Rachel: Maybe it's Chandler's
Phoebe: Why would Chandler have it? It's not gay porn
Rachel: Honey, I don't think Chandler's gay
Phoebe (scoffing): Ok, if you say so
Monica: We really need to talk!
Rachel: Oh My God! You're pregnant
Phoebe: Who's the father???
Rachel: It's Chandler, of course
Phoebe: No... really, who's the father
Monica: There is no father
Phoebe: It's a miracle! Just like in The Bible!
Monica: There is no father because I am not pregnant.
Phoebe: Then why'd you say you were?
Monica: I never did say I was. Rachel did!
Phoebe: And you sure took your sweet time to correct her.
Monica: We need to talk...... Chandler and I are going to live together
Phoebe: WOW! We're all gonna have so much fun being roommates!
Monica: Uh, sweetie.....
Phoebe: Oh.
Monica: I'm sorry
Phoebe: So when are you moving out?
Monica: Me?
Phoebe: Why should I move?
Monica: Maybe because the lease is in my name?
Phoebe: But it's my apartment too. It's the only real home I've ever known.
Rachel: Look at it this way.... you won't have Monica nagging about using coasters for your drink.
Monica: If you get a stain on your table, don't come running to me
[ Joey and Chandler's apartment. Joey is watching wrestling when Phoebe walks in carrying a newspaper ]
Phoebe: That is so fake!
Joey: Get hit in the face with a steel chair, and then say that.
** Phoebe sits down reading the paper **
Joey: What are you reading?
Phoebe: Since Chandler and Monica are moving in, I guess I need to find another apartment
Joey: Any luck?
Phoebe: Here's one (reading) "Spacious 2 bedroom apartment. Must be willing to experiment with S&M" (stops reading) Oh, but it's on the other side of town. Oh wait! Here's one in this building (continues to read) "2 bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village. Hot ladies only need apply" (stops reading) Joey, this is your ad!
Joey (reading the ad): Oh yeah! What do you think?
Phoebe: Nicely worded!
Joey: Why don 't you just move in here? I mean we already know each other, plus you'll just be right across the hall from Monica
Phoebe (hugging Joey): Thanks, Joe.
Joey: No problem. And you know about Strip Poker Saturday, right?
[ Later that evening, at Monica and Phoebe's apartment. The girls are planning the wedding ]
Ross: We haven't even officially set a date
Monica: And......
Ross: You're already planning the wedding?
Monica, Phoebe and Rachel (together): Uhh... yeah
Rachel: I want this to be something special and a day we will always remember.... because unlike some people, I plan on doing this only once
Ross: Can I help?
Rachel: Just be sure and say the right name, this time.
** Ross storms off in a huff **
Rachel: That was fun
-- Ending Credits --
[ Central Perk. Everybody but Joey is present ]
Phoebe: I got a 100 on my exam today
** everybody congratulates Phoebe **
Rachel (showing her engagement ring to Gunther): Ross and I are engaged
Gunther (under his breath): bastaard
** Joey enters carrying a book titled "Heavy Metal for Beginners **
Chandler: What's with the book?
Joey: Well I figured it would be too hard to learn to play the piano......
Rachel (to Phoebe): And just think.... he's gonna be your roommate!
Phoebe: I know. It's great. I can help teach him how to play. Especially since I used to be in a metal band
Ross: What?
Phoebe: I used to be in Slayer
Chandler: When were you ever in Slayer?
Phoebe: OK....well maybe I just played my guitar to their music.
-- The End --