Friends Fanfic Game V

[Greyhawk]

[ Ross and Rachel's apartment. Ross is watching a program on dinosaurs on The Discovery Channel ]

( TV narrator): And in one fell swoop, the mighty dinosaur, king of the prehistoric world, was no more

Ross (sadly): What happened, you guys?

** Rachel enters the apartment excitedly **

Rachel: Hey, sweetie

Ross: Hey

** Rachel turns off the TV **

Ross: Hey! I was watching that

Rachel: Let me tell you how it ends. A comet hits the earth and all the dinosaurs die

Ross: You're mean!

Rachel: OK. At work today, I won 3 passes for the whole day at Sun and Spa

Ross: You mean that new VIP spa that's called "Spa to The Stars"?

Rachel: Have you been watching E! TV again? Anyway, I won 3 passes for the whole day.

Ross: That's great!

Rachel: But I have to use them by Friday. Do you wanna come?

Ross: I can't. I have to go over notes for a lecture.

Rachel (disappointed): That's too bad.

Ross: Why not ask Phoebe and Monica?

[ Phoebe and Joey's apartment. Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there. Rachel enters a few minutes later ]

Rachel: Hey guys

Joey: Don't you ever knock? Pheebs and I could have been doing stuff

Phoebe (kissing Joey): You wish, Joey Tribbiani

Joey (kissing Phoebe back): Damn straight

Rachel: You always barge into our place, mister! Anyway, I have 3 passes to that new spa.

Monica: Which one?

Rachel: Sun and Spa

Monica: Oh my God! All of the stars go to that one.

Rachel: Did you want to go?

Monica: Dammit. I can't

Phoebe: This is what's wrong with the world. Fancy places like that are taking my customers away from me.

Rachel: I guess I'll ask Sarah

Phoebe: Like hell you will! I'm going!

-- Opening Credits --

[ Still at Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Monica had already left ]

Rachel: Joe, did you want to go with us?

Joey: That's ok

Rachel (begging): Please! It'll be fun

Joey: I prefer to do something manly

Rachel: You can drink beer and belch any day. We have to use these by Friday

Phoebe: Come on Joey! Come with us

Joey: Those places are for chicks

Rachel: That is such a sexist statement!

Phoebe: Those places are for both men and women.

Rachel: Imagine soaking in a steaming hot tub while somebody giving you the most excellent back rub

Joey (eyes closed and smiling): My my my..... how you doin'?

Rachel: Joey, it's not that kind of place

Phoebe: Come with us. I guarantee you that you'll love it

Joey: And if I don't? What will you give me if I don't love it?

Phoebe: You know what I'll give you

Rachel (shocked): PHOEBE!

Phoebe: What? I'll give him 2 Joey Specials.

** Phoebe turns around and winks at Joey **

[could friends BEEE any better]

**cut to a spa**

Rachel: See, joey, its fun

Joey: yeah, we'll see, (making eyes at the woman at the desk)

Phoebe: Oh my god thats Jonny Depp:

Rachel: How can you tell, he has a hat and face cream and a full lenghth bath robe on.

Phoebe: i have a knack for these things:

Rachel: (with a strange look), what, guessing celebrities covered in face cream.

Phoebe and Joey: DUH!!!

Rahcel: tchaa! OH MY GOD it is jonny Depp.

Phoebe: HAHAHAHA

[Greyhawk]

** A handsome technician approaches **

Technician: Rachel Green?

Phoebe (quickly): That's me! That's me!

Rachel: It is not! (to Technician) I am Rachel Green

Technician: It's time for your massage Mrs. Green

** Rachel follows technician **

Phoebe (to Joey): See? This isn't so bad

Joey: There's no other men here!

** A very attractive woman approaches **

Woman (to Joey): Are you Joey Tribbiani?

Joey: Yes I am. Do you want my autograph?

Woman: Huh? Oh no sir. I am your massage therapist

** Joey walks away with a huge grin on his face **

-- Cut to whirlpool room where Rachel, Phoebe and Joey are soaking, as technicians massage there necks --

Rachel: See Joe, this is nice, isn't it

Joey: I still don't see any other guys here

Massage therapist: You're not the only guy here. We have a regular customer

Joey: Really? What's his name?

Massage therapist: Chandler Bing

[XFlaminScorpioX]

Rachel: Okay he isn't afraid to tell us he wears a spedo, but when it comes down to a massage, he's a big buff man about it.

Phoebe: Come on Rachel, you know not to insult friends behind there backs! But yeah Chandler is so gay.

Joey: Hey! Thats my best friend!

Phoebe: Okay I'm sorry. Hes not striaght.

Joey: Well thats better....

Rachel: And can I just say your really great at doing me....

Joey: Well thanks I'm good at doing any women....

Rachel: NOT YOU!...I ment you [ points to massager ]. Your great. Push harder....harder....harder.

Phoebe: Wow...if I was man I would be so turned on right now.

Joey: How do you think I'm feeling right now....

[could friends BEEE any better]

Rachel: Joey! (slapping him)

Phoebe: JJOOEEEYYY! (winking)

Joey: Ohhh yeahh, not a bad trip after all.

**phoebe and joey go under water, and come up a couple minutes later out of breath**

Joey: hehe

[XFlaminScorpioX]

Rachel: Wow...this is so great....if I wern't in a relation ship I would take you home...and just do stuff...

Phoebe: Now Rachel....you know as well as me. That if you want to take a guy home. You have to get him drunk, you have to be more flirty, and you have to be more sluttly.

Rachel: I'm not trying to get hi--OH YEAH!.....oew....thats nice...

Phoebe: Its like Jerry Springer, you know, theres this women getting turned on by hands, and her "lover" is a dino-freak. OH yeah...definately Jerry.

[Greyhawk]

** An attendant enters with a plate of sandwiches and Joey takes the whole plate **

Joey: Thanks

Rachel: That's supposed to be for all of us, Joe!

Joey: You're too slow, Rach

** The attendant leaves and Joey reluctantly shares the sandwiches with Rachel and Phoebe **

Rachel: See, Joe. I told you this would be fun

Joey: It kinda is

Phoebe: And it's not weird, is it?

Joey: I don't know which is worse, though. Being the only guy here, or finding out that Chandler also comes here

Phoebe: Oh come on Joe. There's nothing wrong with a guy getting a massage.

Attractive technician: Joey, are you ready for your massage?

Joey: You bet!

Technician: Follow me

Joey (to technician): How you doin?

Phoebe: Hey! At least have the courtesy to hit on her when your girlfriend is not listening!

Joey: Pheebs, you know your my number one girl!

** Phoebe giggles **

Joey: And Rach is my number two girl!

Rachel: I'm number 2?

[XFlaminScorpioX]

Joey: Well yeah, I mean Monica is 3 and you don't see her complaing...OH and chandler is 4.

Rachel: Well she isn't here right now to yell at you for being 3!

Joey: Calm down rach. I still love you.

Phoebe: WHAT!

Joey: I love you more!!

Rachel: WHICH ONE DO YOU LIKE!

Joey: ....I umm....sandwhich?? [ offers some ]

[Greyhawk]

[ Cut to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Only Chandler is present and is eating a bag of potato chips. Monica walks in and Chandler quickly hides the chips under the sofa ]

Monica: Hey sweetie

** Chandler only nods, as his mouth is full of chips **

Monica: Cat got your tongue?

** Monica sees some crumbs on the floor **

Monica: Chandler, you got crummies on the floor!

[preci0us_dreams]

Chandler: (talks with his mouth full) what? whaaa?? (crumbs fall on to floor)
Monica: Don't even tell me, just clean IT UP! (walks away into bedroom)
Chander: (mimicks Monica)
Monica: I HEARD THAT!

[XFlaminScorpioX]

** Rachel and Ross enter **

Ross: Rachel I think you need to tell you boss!

Rachel: What do you know, your studying dinosaurs.

Monica: [ walks back out ] Whats the matter?

Rachel: Well I found out that the boys in my department are getting paid more than I am.

Chandler: Really? [ spits out some crumbs ]

Rachel: Yeah and they still call me Raquel!

Monica: So your really not making progress....

Rachel: WELL DUH!

[Greyhawk]

Rachel: Oh we had a great time at that new spa. (looking at Chandler) and we found out something intersting

Chandler: YOU HUSH!

Monica (covering Chandler's mouth): Oh! This sounds juicy

Rachel: You want me to gossip?

Monica: Anything wrong with that?

Rachel: No. Just checking.

Monica: So what did you hear?

** Chandler tries to break free **

[XFlaminScorpioX]

Rachel: I don't know....its kinda harsh to say......but.....

Chandler: [ breaks free ] RACHEL SLEPT WITH JOEY!!

[ everyone looks at her ]

Rachel: WHAT! YOU GO TO A SPA!!

Chandler: WHEN YOU WE'RE YOUNGER YOU WET YOUR PANTS. AT AGE 10!!

Rachel: How would you know!

Chandler: Because Mon--

Monica: Okay!!

[Greyhawk]

Rachel: It's not my fault. Monica tickled me and would not let up. She was freakishly strong!

Chandler: And for your information, I only went there once!

Rachel: Then why do you have your own reserved spot at the spa?

Monica: OH my God! You're a fruit!

Chandler: What about Joey? Didn't he go? Is he a fruit as well?

Rachel: There's nothing wrong with a guy going to the spa

Chandler: I know. That's what I've been trying to tell Monica

Monica: What? I had to practically drag you there, kicking and screaming. But you had a good time, right?

Chandler: That place is so awesome. They give the best facials and manicures

** Everybody looks at Chandler **

[Greyhawk]

** Phoebe enters, in a daze **

Ross: Pheebs, you ok?

Phoebe: Not really. No

Rachel: Sit down, sweetie

** Phoebe sits down on the sofa **

Rachel: What's wrong?

Phoebe: I just went to my psychic and she told me that one of you would die

Chandler (scoffing): Yeah right. If she was so psychic, then why can't she predict the winning lottery numbers?

Ross: What?

Phoebe: She said one of my closest friends would die. So I'm kinda bummed about that. Anyway, who's hungary?

Monica: Honey, you don't really believe that do you?

Phoebe: Well, she did predict that you would get pregnant

Monica (amazed): Really?

Phoebe: Yeah. But Chandler as the father? I don't think even she saw that one coming

Chandler: How far away do you think I am?

[Greyhawk]

-- Commercial --

** Still at Monica and Phoebe's apartment a few seconds later. Joey burst in with excitement **

Joey: Hey, there's a car chase right now! It's all over the news!

** Chandler and Joey leave **

Rachel (to Phoebe): You don't really believe that do you?

Phoebe: Car chases happen all the time

Rachel: No. I was talking about what your psychic said

Phoebe: Well she did say you'd get a job in fashion

Rachel: Really?

Phoebe: Yeah. But she also said you would be fired 3 months ago.

Ross: Pheebs, I don't think......

Phoebe: Then humor me. You know there's a lot of stuff I don't believe in, but does that automatically mean it's not true?

Ross: Oh great! Here we go with the "there's no such thing as evolution"

Monica: Or gravity

Phoebe: Scoff if you want. I don't believe in dinosaurs, but does that mean there aren't any?

Ross (shocked): Wha... what? What do you mean you don't believe in dinosaurs? What about all the bones and skeletons all over the world? Even you can't deny that.

** Cut to Joey and Phoebe's apartment. Joey and Chandler are watching the car chase on TV **

Chandler: Man, oh man! TV doesn't get much better than this!

Joey: And they say there's no quality TV programming anymore

Chandler The chase has been going on for over an hour with no sign of stopping

(TV Reporter): They have him boxed in. The road he has taken is a dead end, this chase folks, appears to be winding down

Joey: Dammit.

** The TV shows the car speeding down the street and driving off a cliff **

Joey and Chandler (together): DUDE!

Joey: He may be OK

** TV shows car crashing into a million pieces **

Joey: He could be ok

** TV shows car exploding **

Joey: Or maybe not

** Back at Monica and Chandler's apartment **

Ross: How can you not believe in Dinosaurs?

Phoebe (grabbing her guitar): Just don't

Ross (taking the guitar away): Give me one reason why you don't believe in dinosaurs

Phoebe: I'm not saying I don't believe in them, I'm just saying science is not always 100% correct

Ross: But....

Phoebe: What about how the earth is flat? Isn't that what scientists have thought, in the past

Ross: But....

Phoebe: And what about the earth being the center of the universe and everything revolves around it? Isn't that what science taught, in the past

Ross Yes, but.....

Phoebe: So don't you think you could be wrong about this, too?

Ross: Then how do you explain the skeletons and bones? How can you deny that? You've seen it for yourself. If those aren't dinosaurs and if dinosaurs never existed, then maybe you'd like to explain what they are?

Phoebe: Maybe God put them there

Ross: Why would God put them there?

Phoebe: Maybe God wanted us to come up with our own theories and conclusions about what they were.

Ross: But you still haven't answered the question. If they are not dinosaurs, then what are they

Phoebe: I don't know......

Ross (quickly interrupting): Thank you

** Ross leaves **

[XFlaminScorpioX]

Phoebe: ROSS IS SO ANNOYING!

Monica: Hey he's my brother!

Phoebe: Fine Chandlers Annoying!

Monica: Hes my Husband!

Phoebe: What are you doing to the men in our group Monica! I mean soon Joeys going to be you pet dog!

Rachel: Phoebe back to the point now, you really think thats true

Phoebe: YES! I MEAN ROSS IS--

Rachel: Psychic honey

Phoebe: OH....well yeah. She all so said that one of you would be getting married. [ looks at Monica ] But she also said that the husband was a dead ghost coming from china.

[Greyhawk]

Monica: Sweetie, nothing's going to happen to us

Phoebe: OK. But if you die don't come back and haunt me

Rachel: We promise, sweetie.

Phoebe: But you can still come and visit, anytime you want

** Ross enters carrying a bone **

Ross: Ok Pheebs, this is a dinosaur bone. This is physical proof that they existed

** Phoebe takes the bone and looks at it **

Phoebe: It says "Made in Canada"

Ross: That's from the gift shop. The museum frowns on us taking the real bones

Rachel: Oh my God! Who would actually buy that?

** Ross snatches the bone from Phoebe and leaves with a pout **

[XFlaminScorpioX]

** Joey enters and chandler enter. Chandler comes before hand. **

Joey: Oh hey Chandler....[ smiling ]

Chandler: Hey?

Joey: So do you...umm...want to do something fun?

Chandler: If you talking about sex then no.

Joey: How bout the spa??

Monica: Everybody knows joe.

Joey: WHO RUINED FOR ME!

[Greyhawk]

Chandler: So it's Ok if Joe goes to the spa, but if I go.....

Monica: There's nothing wrong with a man going to the spa

Joey: I know. That's what I've been trying to tell these 2

Rachel: What? We had to beg you to go. We had to drag you over there, but you had a good time. You said so

Joey: I know. But I only got one sandwich! That was just an appetizer

Phoebe: What do you mean? That was a whole hoagie. And you were going to hog the whole thing yourself

Joey: Hey. I'm a growing boy.

Rachel: So Joey, did you want to go back to the spa with us, one day?

Joey: Can I have more sandwiches

Rachel (whining): Fine!

** Phoebe's cell phone rings **

Phoebe: Hello.....That's great news....no not great news for her.....bye!

Rachel: What was that all about?

Phoebe: You guys are not going to die

Rachel: We told you, Pheebs

Chandler: So Pheebs how do you know? Didn't your psychic say one of us would die?

Phoebe: She read the cards wrong. She die this morning!

Monica: Oh, Pheebs I'm so sorry

Phoebe: Meh. Better her than you guys. Hey! Let's celebrate by going to a movie!

-- Ending Credits --

** Next day at Central Perk **

[XFlaminScorpioX]

** CENTRAL PERK: THE WHOLE GANG IS THERE **

Phoebe: Ross just get over it! Okay I don't believe in Dinosaurs.

Ross: But its inpossible!

Phoebe: Likes its impossible to SHUT YOU UP!

[ everyone looks at her ]

Phoebe: OH I'm sorry I was ruining your moment, huh huh, was I shouting SO load to make you guys stare at me! HUH!

[ Sees a guy checking her out ]

Phoebe: LOOK MISTER! YOU SAW ME IN PORN, THATS RIGHT YOUR PERVERTED MIND SAW ME ON A MAN! OKAY!

Ross: I'm sorry Phoebe!!

Phoebe: Thank you. OH I"m going to get coffee and one want some?

[Greyhawk]

Chandler: Sure

Rachel: Me too.

Phoebe (sitting down): Thanks. I'll have a decaf.

** Rachel rolls her eyes and walks to the counter **

Monica; Look Joey, there's that cute girl who worked the counter at the spa

Joey: How you doin'?

** Phoebe hits Joey with a pillow **

-- The End --